Saying Those Words
by Sheyshamra
Summary: Ron Would love to hear those words. But Harry can't say them. or at least not the way everyone does.


"Ron!"

"Ron! Where the hell are you?"

There was no answer, the smoke made Harry's eyes water. There were screams all around, but Harry could see nothing. He lost his glasses, courtesy, that psychopath Voldemort. Normally, he can see, though fuzzily, without his glasses, but with the grim and dust in the air, Harry was as good as blind.

"Ron!"

There was no answer, no soft "Harry", or an exasperated "Harry" or for that matter any Harry in reply.

Harry stumbled on something and almost fell. It felt like a body, but he couldn't see. He bent down and touched what felt like an arm, as he fumbled along the fingers, he felt something liquid and sticky. Harry withdrew his hands with a gasp.

"Who is it?"

There was no reply.

"Wake up!"

The body did not move. If that was just a body which won't respond or if there was life inside, Harry didn't want to know. He withdrew hastily and awkwardly stood up. He thought back to where he had seen Ron last.

They had stood side-by-side. Ron had gripped his hands one last time and smiled at him one last time. Harry cannot imagine how anyone could smile so genuinely, as if they were sharing chocolate frogs on a lazy Sunday afternoon. But it had given him hope.

They had fought the day before. Harry had been a nervous wreck. He had done everything like it was the last time he could. The minute they stepped into the dorm after discussing battle strategy all afternoon, he had pounced on Ron like a lion starved to death. But Ron had gently pushed him aside and asked.

"What's the hurry? Slow down. I am not going anywhere."

Harry had stared at him hard. Anger and frustration exploding at the only person he cared about.

"This is it, and if you don't want the few remaining hours to spend with me, fine."

Ron looked at him resignedly.

"Harry, how many times should I tell you? You can't go into battle thinking you are going to die."

"But what if it happens?"

"Yes, it may happen. But for now let's hope that we all live."

"Listen to yourself. You sound like Hermione. I want to make the most of what we have for sure. I…" Harry trailed off.

"'I' what? Say it Harry."

"No… I am not saying anything. I don't want to jinx it."

"But what if I die tomorrow and you never told me."

"I will tell you in the afterlife when I follow you."

Ron sighed. He had been the first to say the magic words. Harry had nodded his head like a puppy and kissed him back in front of a stunned Weasly clan and Sirius. That was two years ago. But still Harry can't say it back. He knew Harry loved him, but still, given the circumstances, he wanted to hear it. After all he was as afraid that he would die as Harry was. Now Hermione, she used to say it all the time when they were together.

"What are you thinking?"

"Hermione used…" without a thought, Ron blurted out before he shut up. But Harry knew. He was insanely jealous of her when it came to Ron. He had heard her say those words so often to Ron and had felt his heart corrode in acid. But still he had not said anything. Hermione and Ron were equals. She gave as much as she got and still it had ended. Ron and Harry was a whole different story. Harry unknowingly had become more and more needy until one day Ron had asked him what was going on.

Harry had been embarrassed then. He had reacted angrily saying that Ron was the one who had no time to spend with him. But his eyes betrayed him. No matter how hard he wiped his eyes, tears kept rolling until he had hung his head in shame and just stood there. He realized what he had been doing. How he had tried to keep Ron to himself and how he had driven away Hermione from Ron every chance he got. The realization that Ron can now ditch him was nothing compared to his fear that Ron might pity him. But even then, some part of his mind wished hard that he would get at least that.

He had sat down in the middle of the Quidditch pitch and cried his heart out. Ron just left him there and went back to the dorm or so he thought. But a minute later Ron was there kneeling before him with a glass of water and a handkerchief.

"You are so stupid Harry. What you are doing only drives people away."

Harry did not look up. But his breath hitched in fear with those words. He wanted to say something, but words were just stuck at his throat. He knew he couldn't bear it if Ron left him. Just as Ron was about to get up, he mumbled. Ron heard him clear though. "Don't leave me, I am sorry."

Ron sighed and sat next to him. Harry's insecurities always got to him. Words seem to have no effect on Harry, so he gently pulled Harry until his head rested on his lap and let him be. He gently pushed those messy bangs and said that he won't leave him ever, again and again.

Somewhere along the following months Ron started noticing how much Harry worshipped him. Just one smile and Harry's eyes would glow. One caring gesture and he would get that special hug from Harry. Harry would always wait for Ron, be is for lunch, class or quidditch. Hermione started noticing and she looked at it as an unhealthy turn to their friendship. Then Ron had an accident at quidditch, it was serious enough for Molly and Arthur to take him home for a week. Harry had lasted one night. The second night, he had snuck off to get to the burrows. Only the wards would know that he had crossed them. He had taken a long abandoned path through the forbidden forest and reached the Weasly's tired and weary at noon the next day.

By then, a whole search party was out looking for him. But Hermione had known. She was standing right next to Molly when he stumbled in. They had screamed at him for an hour at the end of which both women were crying, Harry stood there with his head down, but didn't utter a word. Next was Snape followed by Sirius and even the twins. Ron had woken up early and had fretted about the whole Harry situation for over six hours. But he didn't utter a word either. Finally after two hours when everyone had said their piece even while feeding and cleaning him, Ron hobbled up to him, put his arm around the smaller boy. The smile that Harry gave him was blinding. Ron knew then that there was no other alternative to their lives. He had gently pulled up Harry's chin and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you. Even though you are so stupid sometimes."

No one expected it least of all Harry. But he was happy and it showed. Curiously, Molly was the one who recovered first.

"Oh dear, now that explains it."

That was followed by Sirius who looked at Harry sternly and said, "Next time, tell me before you kill yourself."

Hermione was next, but she was a bit harsh. She just slapped Ron and left through the floo.

That had been two years ago. Harry knew he was difficult to love and Ron did it anyway. Last night, the minute he heard Hermione's name, he had seen red. He had grabbed his invisibility cloak and left. He had gone to the Astronomy tower and had listlessly paced. Sometime before dawn, he had sat down shivering in the cold and dozed off. But when he woke up, he was in bed just the same as any other day wrapped inside the circle Ron's arms made. Ron was waking up and he looked at Harry with bleary but content eyes.

Harry mumbled a sorry though for which of his crimes he didn't know.

"Me too" Ron smiled. Ron was always eager to start the day with some action and this day was no exception. Just as always when he came inside Harry, he finished with a groaned out "I love you Harry"

And now here was Harry looking for Ron.

"Ron!"

The more he looked for, the more Harry panicked. He felt he had been looking for Ron a long time now. But there was still no response. Fear started to hammer at his chest. If something happened to Ron, Harry didn't know what he would do. Then he though he saw a red head in the fog.

"Harry…"

That was surely Ron, Harry stumbled towards him but Ron did not move.

"Oh! No Harry, I got to go."

Ron moved back and Harry clutched at the air.

"Ron! Ron! Don't leave me."

"Sorry Harry, you keep saying that but you never say why."

"Ron!"

Ron was disappearing in the fog and Harry desperately tried to reach him.

"Ron! Ron!"

There was no sound and there was no red head in front of him. Harry turned round and round trying to see, but he was as good as blind. He stumbled on something hard and fell.

"RON! RON! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE."

"RON!"

Harry's throat ached and his voice gruff but he mustered all his strength and got up. He felt something like hands pulling him and they hurt him, but he would be damned if he cared enough to stay put. He tore at them and screamed.

"RON! RON! RON… I…"

Something like glass breaking nearby startled Harry and he could feel the hands around him. But these were not pulling him down. These were holding him, just like Ron's.

"Harry! Harry! Please wake up Harry!"

Harry's fuzzy mind registered that voice and knew it was Ron's. He placed his hands on those holding him and they felt real. The warmth at his back and the rapid rise and fall of that strong chest was real. Finally Harry realized that Ron was real. He relaxed and slumped into Ron's embrace. He was so tired. His voice ached and his head swam.

"Open your eyes Harry, please open them."

Only then did he realize that he had screwed shut his eyes. He slowly opened them to see Ron looking at him. Something glittered on Ron's cheeks and unthinking Harry touched to feel tears.

Harry smiled weekly and felt his heart warm in happiness. Ron hasn't left him, will never leave him. He wanted to say those words now for he knew now he can say them and it won't be jinxed.

"Ron, I…" Harry mumbled slowly. But Ron stopped him.

"Shhh Harry, don't speak. I am sorry I didn't listen when you showed those words. You have screamed your love for me all day and night for three weeks. It's enough Harry, I know now. Just rest Harry, please just rest my love."

Harry smiled and tried to give Ron a hug. But he was too weak. Ron just rested him on his chest and rubbed his back and soon Harry was dozing off to sleep. No dream this time, just blissful darkness in which he could feel the rhythmic beating of a heart not his own.


End file.
